I've been trying to lose weight, with some temporary successes, but overall unsuccessfully, for years. Many many years. Well, then again I suppose it depends on your definition of trying. Trying, to some (and by some I mean lazy fatties like me) can sometimes mean wanting to lose weight... feeling guilty about eating too much... and wishing that I was thinner. There are times, however, that I've genuinely tried. I've actively set goals (and failed them) and have put programs and activities in place that, had I not been tempted by the devil (feel free to substitute "the devil" with any number of evil things, such as "the donut", "the couch", "the all-you-can-eat Vegas buffet") I would have eventually been successful with. Alas... the devil has always won. Or rather... I have always found the devil more enticing than having a Spartan body (yes, with painted abs a la 300). You see... having a Spartan body would be great for when I'm climbing in slow-motion from the pool at a party or when I'm competing in a flexing contest... but donuts taste good right now. And so I eat them. (actually I must confess I'm blaming a lot on donuts and I rarely eat them, but the word is admittedly funny so I type and type it!)
DISCLAIMER: yes, all these images are ridiculous
When I was a kid I was average sized:
When I became a teenager I was chubby:
When I was 15 I was sent to Vietnam for 2 years to learn "my roots" (on my father's side) and got malaria and lost a ton of weight and became fairly thin:
By the time I was 18 I was back to getting chubby:
And once I hit 20 I surpassed 200 lbs... a weight I would not see again for many years:
At the height of my fatdom I was 230 lbs. That's a lot for a 5'9" tall guy (I used to claim to be 5'10" but really it's like 5'9.5" and I've decided to be more humble in life). I thankfully don't actually have an image from that time... but I do have this one which was probably over 220 AND shows the dumb hair I had for a few months. Perhaps at the time I thought the blonde hair and giant black eyebrows would distract people from seeing my belly.
So... 2009 arrives. I'm fed up. I've always been on-and-off active... having played a heck of a lot of beach volleyball from 18 to 23 or so... then finding mountain biking and other outdoor activities... but I've never really stuck with anything. One thing I've ALWAYS hated was running. Ugh. Just thinking about running makes me angry. I'm angry that I've ever had to run in my life for any reason whatsoever, and I'm angry that I know that I will have to run in the future, for a variety of reasons (hopefully never for my life, but you never know... I DO live very dangerously).
Wait, where was I? I tend to get off topic pretty easily. Oh yeah, 2009. So in 2009 my dear friend Ryel bought me a pair of running shoes as a gift for some workflow and other help I've given her... and I buy a Nike+ sensor. It works perfectly with my iPhone 3GS (built in communication and app) and I now have no reason not to run. Ok, actually I have my bad knees which have bothered me since I was a teenager... but the honest truth (as opposed to the dishonest truth) was that they had seemed ok for the past couple years and I was determined to at least put them to the test. When I say I hate running though... I mean I HATE running. Every step I take while running is another step I hate. I literally think the ENTIRE time, each time I run, of all the excuses I can find to stop running. Almost every second. Sometimes I even think of ways I could allow my ankle to sprain or maybe just trip and fall and scrape my knee... something enough to give me a good excuse to stop. So when I run... and when anyone sees that I've run like 5 miles... they actually have no idea what an accomplishment that really is... because I REALLY HATE running!
But I ran. I ran a total of 38 miles. Over the course of 2 months (that's a LOT for me, probably the most ever). Along with that I also decided to cut my daily caloric intake down to 1,000 calories (plus any exercise I did that day... so if I ran off 400 calories I would eat 1,400 calories that day). Extreme? Yes. But I wanted results and I was tired of not getting them. I was 215 lbs when I started and I just wanted to look and feel good by November. In just over 2 months I lost 25 lbs. Yup, one morning I actually weighed in at 188 lbs. It was the lightest I had been since I was 19. Wow. Momentous, right?
Unfortunately I didn't think so. I felt like I had done a lot of work but I didn't realize how awesome an accomplishment I'd really achieved. I wanted to continue but I went on vacation and stopped the dieting and stopped the running all at once... and didn't start them up again. I regained 15 of the 25 lbs I lost over the course of 4 months... and that's where I am right now. 205 lbs. Hello again, fatso.
Ugh. 205 lbs. I look at images I took just months ago when I was under 190 and they make me SO regretful that I didn't just keep it up. Here's my favorite. Yup, that's me in a pose that normally would show wonderful curvy love handles with the way the wind is blowing my shirt in... but there are none! Ok they're there but they are manageable. They're close to being gone.
A New Beginning. Again.
So... I want that again. I want that and more. I want 175 lbs. That's not too thin for my height and age. That would actually not be that thin at all, just a hell of a lot more thin than I am right now. And it's not just about LOOKING thin (and wearing a Spartan Halloween costume). It's about FEELING good and healthy. I really enjoyed being lighter on my feet, I enjoyed being able to run up a flight of stairs with the slightest of effort. I just wish my insecurities about my body and weight had caught up with the rest of my good feelings... I might have realized how far I'd come and be less likely to keep it off. Unfortunately I still felt like a fatass... and so I let myself become one again.
I'm going back on the 1,100 a day calorie plan (plus exercise). I'm trying to run a consistent 15 miles a week plus calisthenic workouts in between runs. I'm also looking for someone to barter a headshot session for a road bike (blog post about this coming soon). I'm going to post some of my results to this blog. Probably at least my weekly calorie intake. My runs go to Twitter. My calisthenic workouts I think will show up on my calorie chart (it's all in the amazing Lose It iPhone app). And once I get that bike those results will be posted too.
Do you think I can do it? I sure could use people giving me a hard time about NOT keeping up with my goals. I'll come up with some actual dates soon, once I figure out exactly what I want to do... but I'm totally open to suggestions, criticisms, name-calling and encouragement (in no particular order). I have Lydia (who is surprisingly an AMAZING motivator) but no offense to her... I would love some more.
These are some of the stats from today's blog post on 750words.com, click the image to see all the stats: